


maybe that's the point

by sleepless_gremlin



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Leo has PTSD, Leos kinda emo.., Out of Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, no beta we die like men, they all do tbf, yes im still posting ooc 2012 in 2020 dont @ me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:48:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23698768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepless_gremlin/pseuds/sleepless_gremlin
Summary: Donnie's voice brought him back down to Earth, reminding him that his home was still here - not out there in the unfeeling expanse of space. Even if he sometimes wished it was."Why wouldn't there be a point? We'd have nothing to live for," he spoke quietly, but firmly enough to make Leo glance at him out of the corner of his eye. His mask was tattered at the edges, ripped and worn from countless fights. The frayed threads gently swayed in the breeze. Leo thought it looked nice in the moonlight - a bittersweet reminder of their past bathed in soft whites.---AKA, Leo and Donnie have a much-needed (albeit pretty emo) heart-to-heart.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo (TMNT)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	maybe that's the point

"Maybe that's the point. That there is no point," Leo mused, staring up at the night sky. Sometimes he wondered what it would feel like. To go back there, now that the planet was restored. Would he get lost? Trapped in the inky void forever, numbly staring at the stars and various rocks floating by?

In truth, he thought it would end up more like the nights he spent in his room. Cold, and alone. Thinking of nothing but the crushing feeling of panic clawing up his throat, the ache of everything that had happened before, of everything he had lost. No, he couldn't possibly leave. It wasn't certain whether or not he'd have a home to come back to. 

Donnie's voice brought him back down to Earth, reminding him that his home was still here - not out there in the unfeeling expanse of space. Even if he sometimes wished it was. 

"Why wouldn't there be a point? We'd have nothing to live for," he spoke quietly, but firmly enough to make Leo glance at him out of the corner of his eye. His mask was tattered at the edges, ripped and worn from countless fights. The frayed threads gently swayed in the breeze. Leo thought it looked nice in the moonlight - a bittersweet reminder of their past bathed in soft whites.

"Maybe we don't." 

He could feel Donnie's head turned towards him, but he didn't meet his eyes. It was true, wasn't it? They didn't have anything to live for anymore. Everything they had centered their lives around was gone. His brother couldn't even pursue his dreams in the field of science; even after all they'd done, they still didn't exist to the world. If they didn't exist to anyone else, why exist at all? 

"You don't mean that." Leo noticed that his voice was low, and raspy at the edges. It tasted like honey - thick and warm with the tell-tale burning of too much sugar. Too many late nights and explanations repeated in simpler and simpler terms had worn away at it, leaving it soothingly ragged. Perfect for nights like these. 

Nights where the moonlight touched everything, caressing the rough edges of buildings and keeping harsh shadows at bay. Nights that were quiet, and peaceful. Nights that Leo felt were perfect for ceasing to exist.

"How would you know?" It was meant to be a simple question, but it held so much gravity that Leo feared they'd both be crushed if someone didn't break the silence. Even the ever-present noise of New York seemed to come to a stall. Like the whole city was waiting with baited breath for what would come next. Leo knew that they'd just have to be disappointed, too. "We have no purpose." 

Somehow, they both knew that he was really talking about himself.

"Do you need one?" Leo didn't expect that response. He also wasn't prepared for Donnie to lean back on his hands, kicking his feet out over the ledge. It wasn't an unwelcome change, per se. Just... odd, that Donnie of all people would join him in philosophizing like this. After a moment, he settled down again, falling back into the silent rhythm they had created. "I mean, what's the point of anyone being alive, if we need a purpose?"

"Everyone has a purpose. At some point in our lives. But I - we - fulfilled ours. We don't have anything else now. Why continue?" Drawing his knees up to his chest, he glanced back up at the sky. Seeing the nothing stare back at him was unnerving.

The gravel on the rooftop bit into his skin a little less, though, so he supposed that was okay.

"So just because you did what Splinter wanted for you, your life has no value -?" 

"It wasn't just because Splinter wanted it." He blurted out, his voice too high, too loud. Throwing off their rhythm. He tried to sound convincing, but the words didn't even seem confident to himself. Donnie gave him a pitying glance. 

"Wasn't it?" 

His response was so small, so soft. Nothing more than a sentence, and yet it was Earth-shattering. 

It seemed that way, anyway. 

He took a small breath in. And then released it. Any response that came to mind died right before his lips, melting away. It reminded him of the snowflakes he had caught on his tongue, the first time he had been in the snow. The time when it was fun, and worry-free. Not the construction site, with the too-sharp blades and the freezing water and the harsh bite of the wind against his throat - 

No. The first time, where they had all had so much fun, laughing and throwing snowballs. When the only sound was their voices, and the soft plop of the failed forts as they fell to the ground. When he was happy. 

"Leo?" Again, his brother's voice grounded him, pulling him gently out of his head. "What, did you have some ground-breaking realization there?" The silence stretched for a moment too long. Donnie's face slowly slipped into the threshold of concerned when Leo didn't respond. "Oh. You did." 

"Whether or not it was what he wanted, it was still my purpose -" 

"You're so much more than just a warrior, Leo!" His brother's voice was loud compared to the hushed tones they had used before. It broke the gentle peace of the night. Leo bit back a small wave of annoyance at that, and kept his eyes on the sky. He wasn't going to snap at his brother for something so petty, not after they worked so hard to fix the cracks that were left behind by what happened to them. 

It was lighter now. The sun was just below the horizon - bathing the world in pale yellows and oranges, even if it couldn't be seen just yet. He felt a twinge of remorse as he realized the moonlight was gone. How long had they been out here? 

"Leo! Were you even listening?" Dumbly, he could only stare in response.

Donnie rolled his eyes and stretched, already knowing the answer to his question. "Fine. Don't listen to me." The voice that was so calming earlier took on a hard edge to it. But it was quiet again, so Leo figured he would take what he could get. "Just... I'm here for you. Whether or not you want me." Rubbing the back of his neck portrayed his embarrassment, but there was a sincerity in his eyes that couldn't be ignored. The last time Leo saw it was when Donnie promised him that his leg would heal. 

It wasn't perfect, but the good days far outnumbered the bad ones. Even if they were filled with flashbacks, and that same choking fear that plagued his days after he awoke from the coma. 

"Thank you," he whispered, letting a small smile slip onto his face. "I'll... take you up on that sometime."

And for the first time, Leonardo felt like he meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes i am posting ooc Emo Leo in 2020  
> No i do not take constructive criticism
> 
> ,,, please get these boys a therapist,,


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